Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Sati, Savitri, and the cloak of virginity

The rediff.com message board is the place to visit if one wants to see how moralistic, judgmental, racist, opinionated, boorish and uncivilised many of us Indians are. Most arguments are constructed with scant regard to grammar, spelling, or the decencies of debate. Though the first two are not of paramount importance, one could well do without having to see messages like:

'mulla,,, tumhe toh alla nahi bachapaya ab SRI RAM hi bachayega... '


'I am waiting for abi-ash suhgraat Exclusive Pictures please rediff'

'I saw abhi f*cked aishwarya in the ass. It was vairy nice'

and many more such gems.

Every single discussion board turns into either a North/South or a Hindu/Muslim squabble. But, I guess arguing and hating each other (ref: Russell Peters) is as much in our blood as some good curry! :) But, what really really pisses me off - and what drives me to write this post is what I've been reading inthe message boards while following rediff's (totally over-the-top and tabloidy) coverage of the Abhiwarya (sic) wedding.

Apart from the aforementioned perverts who derive their sexual pleasures from being voyeurs, the message board abounded with plenty of Indian culture vultures who persisted in asking the question of whether Aishwarya was a vergin? Which, I assume, of course, means virgin.

Apart from the biological illogicality of staying celibate till one's 33 (or however old Ms. Rai is), the question is - what business is it of these idiots?

And if this wasn't bad enough, there are plenty of these people who prowl our streets, asking the same question of the average Indian girl. Oh, and if she's not a virgin, the heavens have fallen, Indian culture is not what it used to be, and the woman is such a slut! And of course, all of us have heard of the stereotypical 'easy white woman'.

This kind of behaviour, in my opinion, has nothing to do with a staunch belief in Indian culture or whatever passes for it, and everything to do with voyeurism coupled with deep-seated desperation.

The same kind of voyeurism which requires every bloke to ask other blokes what they've been doing with their girlfriends. Er... alright, I am not entirely free of guilt on this count, but I never said I was perfect. To quote Immortal Technique at this juncture, 'I'm just a man, nigger. Don't follow me, nigger'.

What these people, and the morons who've taken Shilpa Shetty to court, need to take note of, is this. Last I heard, the preamble of the Indian constitution declares India a 'sovereign, secular, democratic republic'. The operative words here are - secular and democratic.

Secularism means that whether you wear saffron robes and spear young couples with your trishuls, or don skull caps and issue fatwas against immorality, you have no right to do so! Your religious views are yours, and yours alone. The government of this country subscribes to no religion, and therefore, the people of this country are free to choose to follow any set (or subset) of religious beliefs without having to face sanction from a bunch of interfering, self-righteous twats who take the name of God in vain.

The word democratic goes even further. It means that every Indian citizen is free to do as he pleases, unless he causes harm or hurt to another. If you are hurt by a couple making love in their apartment, stop looking through the bleedin' window. If your sentiments are shocked by a couple sharing an intimate moment in public, look away. They're not killing each other; they're merely expressing their affection for each other. If you were honest to yourself, you would admit that the only reason why you find it so damn objectionable is because you know no girl in her right mind would give you the time of day.

Consensual sex is the most private of acts, in that it involves nothing that is not one's own (unless one's been pilfering condoms at the chemists', but that's a different story). It doesn't hurt anyone. At worst, it can hurt oneself. Well, it is every adult's choice to subject his body to whatever he or she wishes to. It is not the business of the RSS, VHP, Shiv Sena, or Shahi Imam Syed Bukhari to interfere.

And if this democratic republic of ours does not grant us this most basic of freedoms, we need to urgently reword our constitution.

Until then, I suggest either: a) migrating to a country where you are allowed to impose your beliefs on others, or b) shutting the f*ck up!

Till then, no sex please, we're Indian. We have 1.13 billion people - each one an immaculate conception.

23 comments:

Mosilager said...

yeah the indian culture supremos are very in-your-face these days. I have this hypothesis that it's because culturally men and women are raised separately (for a majority) and do not interact with each other as much. This leads to total desperation on the part of the men who start harassing any woman or girl that they see. Of course most of the time the victim does not fight back due to societal values, family shame etc. And it's very sad that society itself thinks that the girl 'asked for it.'

These same despos frequent the rediff message boards too I assume. At least those messages don't physically hurt someone. If I were a girl who had to walk on Indian streets I would carry a knife and use it frequently. Don't know how women manage.

It's good that the blank noise project is trying to change all that, at least in cities. more power to them.

the wannabe indian punkster said...

Oh I love your post.

I avoid the rediff message boards like the plague for the same reasons you have quoted in the post and many more. And dont even get me started on the 'if my future wife/girlfriend' isn't a vergin (I love this word) then you know that apocalypse has descended upon us and the world will end in five years if the non-verginated harlots are let loose in our virtuous society! Surely Siddhu, you must know that!

But remember Siddhu, the same morons who demand 'vergins' for brides(even though they must have messed around, but who cares about the men, we must maintain our standards of hypocrisy no) will want their pure brides to display ingenious amounts of sexual prowess behind closed doors. Otherwise they'll start haranguing about how cold she is etc etc.

I mean how can you want a woman who hasnt had a)any male contact and b)must miraculously be an animal in bed?

This whole hypocrisy and double standard shtick reeks.

Siddhu said...

Ranjit:

'If I were a girl who had to walk on Indian streets I would carry a knife and use it frequently.'

I just love that, mate. And I totally agree with you about that.

Siddhu said...

Megha, genau! :P

A question I ask every Indian culture hawk is why the apparently decadent west with its slutty women and all the *chee chee* sex is SO MUCH MORE prosperous than us?!

I hadn't heard of the 'animal in bed' thingie. But one of my friend's told me about somebody he knew who was damn happy his wife was so 'pure', he had to teach her everything on the 'suhaag raat' (sic). All of which, of course, he learnt from watching pornos produced in the decadent west.

And I apologise - I didn't know the danger these filthy women pose to civilised Indian society.

Oh, and you were talking about the Mr.Pures screwing around? I would like to know who would? (Yeah I have met complete shmucks who do get it inspite of being sexist, opinionated and arrogant cunts!)

the wannabe indian punkster said...

Beats me as to how they get laid, but they get laid. Also the Mr.Pure types are quite resourceful and I know for a fact that they put up an 'oh I'm liberal' front. With certain situations however, their true colors will resplendently shine through for everyone to see.

But with 'the animal in bed/pure otherwise' types, I know they exist because I was unfortunately sucked into a conversation between my cousin (who was desperately trying to escape the conversation) and his unhappy friend. His friend wanted a 'pure' girl and she was innocent and naive, but he was pissed that she was nervous and cold in bed. I mean hello? WTF did you expect, a porn star?

Jormund Elver said...

"Till then, no sex please, we're Indian. We have 1.13 billion people - each one an immaculate conception."

Love the line. Hypocrites forever, aren't we? So deeply ingrained in the Indian psyche...

Aravind said...

Most women in Kolkata carry safety pins in the trams and buses and use them frequently. That is the only town I heard of yet.

I am sometimes ashamed to be a part of such a culture sometimes. The more I descry it, the more I am labelled as a coconut (brown outside, white inside.) or some such inanity.

Aravind said...

Doh! Bad grammar, excuse please, how embarrashment.

nevermind said...

'No sex pliss, I'm Indian' and 'Immaculate Conception' being two of my favourite lines, I feel deeply obliged to comment, which I shall now proceed to do with the utmost sincerity. And that is that, as one Hemingway lover to another, I abso-fucking-lutely agree with everything in your post, mate:-)

lastknight said...

amen, brother.

Mosilager said...

safety pin sounds like a good idea - kudos to the women of kolkata.

Neha said...

Till then, no sex please, we're Indian. We have 1.13 billion people - each one an immaculate conception.
ROTFL!!!

I dint know guys wanted vergin gal frnds too. hmmm soon they r gonna run out of options :D.

n btw pins dont help. moving away doesnt help. pinching doesn help. what does work is asking the guy to move away. LOUDLY n matter-of-factly. aahhh u should see their expressions then :)

Mosilager said...

seriously? pins in the right places don't work? so, major despos then. only public humiliation has a chance. some of the guys that blank noise project keeps finding offer the excuse that they are from good families and don't want their harassment publicly exposed. strange mentality - they are not worried about the harm that they inflict, only about getting caught doing it.

wonder if these guys would be able to empathise more if they grew up around women? only having boy friends while growing seems to be detrimental.

Anonymous said...

Hey jipperhead...nice post. Good to see that you are addition to the message board rants in Rediff. (Both are equally interesting). Although I would have loved a little more speculation about the hypocritical theocracy that is India :-)

Isha said...

*tryin to be a cheeky bugger here*..just throwing it out there..

but have you ever considered that the deep seated concern to have our vergins remain vergins is to curb the population explosion..

rofl.. the people on rediff sound like wankers/ignorant lil pricks

Siddhu said...

"Till then, no sex please, we're Indian. We have 1.13 billion people - each one an immaculate conception."

What do you mean hypocrite, Elver? These chi-chi things like sex are only for these filthy western people - those girls will sleep with anybody (psst dont tell anybody I tried and got a punch on the beezer for my efforts).

LOL!

Kroopa Shah (Kr00pz) said...

You should read this blog. The guy goes on and on about some nonsense and how "cutting hair has made woman lose her culture"
http://rahool-rahulthinks.blogspot.com/

Rachna said...

Ahh well...
we Indians are like this only
:)

God, I so agree with you.
What really tears me up is the "OMYGOD she drinks!!!" Which has the eternal inevitable corollary- so she MUST be an easy lay.

Ahh well again- I may be easy, but at least I'm not cheap
;)

Unjun said...

needless to say, v all love your last line. people of a country with the second largest population in the world won't talk about sex. and when they look for 'life partners', they seek virgins. wait a minute...! don't v also have a high female (infant or otherwise) mortality in the country as well? if i'm drawing the right parallels here.... we don't wanna talk about something that we're obviously doing a lot of.... and at the same time looking for a 'dying species' to bring forth a little (or.. not so little) brood of our own.

i wonder when people would open their eyes to the realities of things that happen behind closed doors and under cozy blankets.... SIGH!

OrangeJammies said...

blog-hopped my way over and love what i see! will be back for more!!

Sudhir syal said...

Sir - Please update. Missing your regular dozes... :)

Kroopa Shah (Kr00pz) said...

Whats your excuse for not blogging? Out with it!!
Grrrr!

shilpa said...

Nice post...Very very relevant!
Walking down the street,walking into a shop ..seemingly simple tasks..all fraught with abuse!..I agree with Mosi..knives are the way to go.Shocking that safety pins have no effect!I can't wrap my head around it...why are so many guys so desperate? And why should a girl pay for their lack of control ?